Old People

Gosh, ya gotta love old people. What I like best about old people is their vocabulary.


Have you ever notice that old people tend to say "terrible" a lot when they hear of something bad? But they pronounce it "turable". Hey, did you hear about the man that went to jail for blank blank blank? "Oh, that is juuust turable!" I love it.

They also like to say "Bless their heart".

"Mr. Johnson came and shoveled the snow on my walk today, bless his heart."

"Oh dear me, Barbara has gone and broken her hip, bless her heart!"

"Those kids down the street were causing such a raucous! . . . . Bless their little hearts."

Old people have also discovered the luxury of being able to say whatever they want about dead people, as long as they say "May they rest in peace" and other variations after.

"Billy was a little rough around the edges, and he had turable breath! God rest his soul."

"I hear Jane had an affair with just about everybody! May she rest in peace."

The other day me and my sister told my grandma that we use "whore" as a term of endearment for each other. She said "Don't do that, it's a bad word!" I never thought of it as a bad word. Derogatory? Sure. Turable occupation? Without a doubt. But, never classified as bad, like a swear word. But then again my grandma is the most genuinely sweet person I've ever met. She had a neighbor who had a big ol' massive tree that was growing right on their property line, and grandma hates the tree 'cause its huge, ugly and she has to take care of all the leaves coming off of it. We were joking about how we were going to poison the tree and then pull it out in the nighttime. Grandma laughed and said just don't tell her anything about it so when neighbor lady asks her if she knows what happened she wouldn't be lying when she said no.

Bless her heart.