My New Favorite

Well, Golly-I have a new love in my life. And it's spouse approved, so who can argue with that? This love goes by the name of Talk2TheTrees.

Going to this site makes my heart ache 'cause I want nearly everything there. I've become a bit of a headband addict in my later years, and this does not heal my addiction.

I got this little gem:

It's lightweight, it doesn't make perma-dents behind my ears and it's oh so delightful to the eyes. It's all I can do not to wear it every day.

I figured once I got my beloved peacock headband I would be good to go, but . . . then I saw the other feathered headbands. They're delicious.

I can hardly decide which one I want more.

You just can't deny the fantastic-ness.

While I am biased towards the headband, she has tons of delightful stuff like cute pixie hats, beanies, essential Valentines decor, and art. And all at good prices. What's not to love? Thus I am smitten.

On a completely unrelated note: Aren't Thursdays just the best? Oh, and today is Jordan's birthday, and it's the anniversary of the challenger exploding. OR as Jordan explained in an epic storytelling- "Jan 28 1986 was a day of rejoice and great tragedy; a life began . . . and lives were taken." (it's really better to hear that in Jordan's James Earl Jones wannabe storyteller voice)

But mostly, it's Jordan's birthday.

Do you mind if I put your on hold while I scrape my brain off the floor?

Once upon a time I held a different position here at the sunny company of a.com. In this position I took calls from the customer service agents that either didn't know what to do in a given situation, or needed an exception made. I also took escalated calls from the most irate people on the planet. This position has been called the following; supervisor, escalation, and executive office. I loved my job, but now I have a better job. One that doesn't require me to ever deal with stupid people. I now look back upon those days and think the position title should have been a bucket for people to piss in.

Once a month my old team holds a meeting that requires the entire team. As they cannot leave the phones unmanned, my old manager (to protect his identity we'll call him Smaaron) asks me to cover for them, as I already know what I'm doing. Sure, why not? Smaaron is a good guy, he gave me that job, and then gave it to me again when I left the team previously, and then gave me a glowing recommendation that may or may not have helped me get the position I have now, so sure- I'll help you out!

That was about 7 months ago, and each month I spend an hour on the phones it becomes increasingly more frustrating than the last as I slowly forget everything my old job entails. Here I am, this very moment, headset perched precariously on my soon-to-explode head. My first call was an escalated call from a guy that already thought we were a bunch of retards that don't know what we're doing. Gosh, I hope I don't encourage that notion. The agent that transferred him over wasn't able to find his account. I used to secretly get annoyed at agents that couldn't find customer's accounts 'cause there are all sorts of different ways you can find them. I couldn't find this guy's account for the life of me; I couldn't remember all of my little tricks and I no longer have access to any of the resources I once did. I couldn't remember our fax number (I haven't had to have anything faxed to me since I left that team) and I couldn't even remember my own extension. Yes, it was a proud moment for me. I told him we'd research this further and call him back. In case you're curious- I will not be that individual that calls him back.

Every agent that calls in that worked here when I was on that team always makes a comment along the lines of "My, BreAnn, I haven't talked to you in forever. I thought you got promoted, didn't that work out for you?". It's mighty old having to explain multiple times that I wasn't demoted, but am simply helping out the ol' sluggers while they're in a meeting.

Meanwhile, there was another girl that was supposed to be helping me cover the phones as well. Detect a hint of bitterness, perhaps? That's because it's there. I can see this {insert derogatory term here}'s desk from my desk. This {insert offensive slur here} wasn't at her desk the entire time! I was about to get all {insert verb that will most likely be an over-reaction here} on her {insert body part that won't appreciate the previous verb here} when my old team got out of their meeting and Smaaron relieved me. You didn't think you were going to be playing Mad-Libs when you came to my blog today, did you?

So, I think the only knowledge I have retained from my old position is "Hi, this is BreAnn" and "Thanks for calling!" Everything in between is gone. I told Smaaron that I don't remember anything. He laughed and I'm pretty sure he thought I was kidding. I guess next month I will really have to piss a customer off to get the point across.

Aerobics from Hell

A couple days ago my Visiting Teacher invited me to go to a strength training class at the Orem Rec Center. Jordan got me a treadmill for Christmas, so I was getting my cardio in, but I thought that adding strength training would be nice, so why not? I could maybe even gain a friend, and lose a few in the process. Pounds, that is. In no way did I foresee my going to the gym would cause me to lose friends.

We walked into the Rec Center and I started steering toward the weight room, when VT lady starts going to the aerobics room. Um, what, now? I specifically heard the words "strength, weights, and training", never was aerobic uttered. I stomp up the stairs dreadfully and I can already hear music that should only be allowed in Russian rave clubs. We were a little late, so we walk into the room to an aerobics class in full swing, skinny girls everywhere dancing around with exercise balls. This is my own personal hell.

It's too late to run out screaming, plus VT lady drove. So, it seems there is no escape for me. I get my own jolly exercise ball and join in the festivities, as all the girls act as though it is cinco de mayo up in here. Unfortunately, the only spot left was right in front of the open door. Awesome. The class was lead by The Terminator, a rock hard lady with a Portuguese-esque accent, and she was ruthless.

I had the following thoughts throughout class:


This lady is a werewolf.
She wants me to do what, now?
I will find this lady and kill her in her sleep.
CRAMP!
Oh gosh, I've been here five minutes and I'm going to throw up!
This lady is evil.
Is this my VT lady's idea of fellowshipping?!
This lady is a machine, maybe she doesn't know we aren't either.
Did I just hear that skinny chick next to me is pregnant?! She is kicking my trash! Pregnant lady is as machine-like as workout lady!
If this lady has kids, I will make them watch while I kill her in her sleep.
CRAMP!
I can't feel my legs anymore! Do I even have legs?! (look down) Yeah, they're there all right.
Ok, I got this! I got this! I DON'T GOT THIS!
I'm going to have to thank VT lady for bringing me here!
I'll never forgive VT lady for bringing me here!!!
Hey, this isn't so bad, I can do this!
I should have gotten a heavier weight, this is too easy (rep set 1)
Bloody hell, I can't feel my arms now either! Should have gotten a lighter one! (rep set 3)
CRAMP!
Hmm, I almost dropped the weight on my face, that would have been embarrassing. Oh, and painful too.
I could totally do this again
I am burning down the building
This lady is very bouncy
Why is she wearing rainbow socks? Why would anyone wear rainbow socks?
Man, I'm excited about Survivor starting up
This lady is part vampire, part cat, part bully
The devil got it on with this lady's mom and produced this creature bouncing in front of the class.
I so deserve Cafe Rio for this
Am I the only one with rivulets of sweat running down my face?
Did she just lose her accent?! She just lost her accent! That was scarier than her accent in the first place!
This class better only be an hour long, it's been 50 minutes and she shows zero signs of letting up
She wants me to grab my foot? Do I loooook like I can grab my foot?!
Oh, cool- there is a crowd gathered at the door to watch, this couldn't get any better
I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
(sniff) yeah, I could totally do that next week

The best part though, is that this lady came in right as it was done and starting asking me questions about the class and about the stuff that we do and do we "do a lot of jumping?". Really, honestly- Do I look like I'm an expert on the class? I told her it was my first time, and she should talk to the teacher, who could give her more info. She continued to grill me. She overlooked the class and said "I think I would be the oldest person here", I said so? What does that matter? She continued to look worried, "It looks like some of those ladies dye their roots to cover gray hair, but I would still be the oldest." Is this lady for real?! I said "So, I'm the fattest, what does that matter?!" I literally told this lady four (yes, four) times to just talk to the teacher 'cause I can't answer her questions before I just walked away while she was still talking. Rude, yes, but really, she wasn't listening to a word I said anyway. She kept talking to me while I walked clear across to the other side of the room to put my equipment away. A little dense.

SO, that was me popping my aerobics cherry.

Oh, and today is my birthday. And Martin Luther King Jr's. So there's that.

Survivor Cast Announced!

I'm so excited I could poo. . . or something else more appropriate.

This season for Survivor they are doing Heroes vs. Villians and the entire cast are past Survivor cast members. Did you just get goosebumps too? No? Well, wait till you see the cast! Go ahead, take a peek right here.

Oh yeah, this is going to be one slammin' season! I thought no way am I ever going to see Colby and Boston Rob again since they've already done the show twice. Apparently CBS has heard my prayers. Thank you, I now believe in miracles.

Colby Donaldson is my favorite Survivor. And what's to hate, really?

Is it his southern charm, those pearly whites, or sparkly eyes that has me swooning each season? Why, yes it is. But in addition to his delightfully good looks, this guy sure can play the game! Mr. Colby, I will be rooting for you! When I found out this man was going to be on the show I literally choked by sister. It's unfortunate, but really, it's what had to be done. Sure, she's no longer with us, but I have Colby to fill the void so I'm good to go. And did they really (really) have to bring Jerri back as well? Yes, I suppose they did. Please notice that the hat she's wearing in her pic is the hat she stole from Colby on Survivor: All Stars. While she gets on my nerves, I'm going to enjoy watching her chase after Colby, and Colby disgustingly try to get the Jerri off of him. Smart man.

I don't even know where to begin on the rest of the cast. Boston Rob is going to be a joy, of course. All though after watching his interview he's kind of turned into a kitten since his baby was born. He's all soft and sentimental now, which is great for your average Joe, but unsettling coming from Rob. I'm curious to see how that will mess with his game. He says he's going to try to be nice this season, but I just can't imagine it. Try as I might.

Courtney is back, that should be fun and entertaining, though I'm not sure how I feel about having Amanda back. Word on the street is Courtney already has an alliance with Jerri and Sugar. Interesting combination to say the least. But a big fat hurray for James being back. He still holds a place in my heart as the most imposing person that I would still like to hug. Along with Rupert. Both huge guys, both teddy bears at heart.

On a side and very related note: I have hugged Rupert and it's as terrifying and yet soothing as one might imagine. And sweaty, very sweaty.

Anyway, I could go on and on and on about my personal reflections on the cast members, but I will just leave you with some peer pressure:

Watch Survivor Thurs Feb 11 8/7c, all the cool kids are doing it.

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas!

Christmas was delightful. We have three families that we hit (not literally); My parents, Jordan's dad's family and Jordan's mom's family. I've never been grateful that my extended family doesn't get together for Christmas until I got married.

Last year was full of stress and much angst as we rushed from family thing to family thing, and we didn't even get to open our presents at home until late in the afternoon, and even that was rushed as we had to dash out for another family gathering. This year we had a better plan. And, miraculously our respective families had unintentionally planned their activities at the most perfect time for us to meet the needs of each party.

But, back to the plan.

Because my family was getting together at eight-bloody-thirty in the AM Christmas morning, that would mean that Jordan and I would have to get up around sixish to open our presents, shower and make it to my parents by 8:30. Yeah (humph) right. Christmas is to be full of joy and love, and me waking up at the butt crack of dawn doesn't exactly instill those emotions in me. So our plan was to open presents Christmas Eve. Coupled with the additional sleep this would provide and the fact that we were opening presents a good 9 hours earlier than we would have otherwise, I saw this as a win-win.

Christmas Eve afternoon (is that considered an oxy moron?) we went to BFE (that's my way of saying I can't even remember where we went) where Jordan's Grandpa (mom's side) was having a Christmas party. That was a lot of fun. We had also brought Jordan's mom's Christmas present with us to give to her. Jordan's brother rode with us, and also brought presents to hand out to the family. After we got to the party and had greeted everyone Jordan's brother got my keys to transfer presents from my car to pass along to Jordan's mom. After the party Jordan asked his brother if he had given that present we brought to his mom, and he said yup! So we get home and looked in the back seat and there is Jordan's mom's present! He rode home from BFE (a good 45 min) with it sitting next to him and didn't say anything! Good one Chad! :)

From there we went to my parents' house for Christmas Eve dinner, and I let it slip to my mom that we were opening presents Christmas Eve. She was less than pleased. She is very much against the whole idea of opening presents early. She made it clear that I was not to open presents early! But really, what is she going to do, ground me? HA! So after dinner my family was going to go look at some fancy schmancy lights in Lindon, and I declined saying I was off to go unwrap my waiting presents!!! Muahahahaha!!!

On the whole this was a brilliant idea 'cause we could relax and enjoy opening presents in our own sweet time. As we had finished my mum called. She said that they were around the corner, and asked if she could stop by. I looked over my shoulder to my shredded wrapper-strewn living room and said "Uh, suuuuuure." She laughed and asked if she caught me. Yup, she caught me red-handed all right. She then admitted that she was actually in AF. Trixy woman.

I had gotten Jordan a LoveSac for the blessed holiday, so we cracked that sucker out, and a DVD that I had also gotten him and enjoyed the rest of the evening sans stress.

Christmas morning we were able to make it to my parents in PG right on time and enjoyed a fantastic breakfast of waffles and then unwrapped presents from family, but had to leave right after to get to AF to drop off Jordan's mom's present in order to make it back to Orem in time to have brunch with Jordan's dad and family. After that we had just enough time to watch another movie and take a delicious nap and get over to Jordan's grandparents (dad's side) for dinner in Provo.

Phew, a crazy but fun and festive two days. We were able to make it to all the parties that we wanted to and had a lot of fun with all of our family. Although a small part of me wishes I married an orphan.

The Evil Creatures Also Known As My Pets

I'm not one of those people that can sleep easily. In fact, I'm more like one of those people that have a really hard time sleeping. I don't think it would be so bad, if it weren't for the pets.

Bella is in a constant state of freezing, she thinks the only place she can sleep is under the covers up against my legs. She also couldn't possibly sleep without licking every inch of my legs and every single toe sufficiently before succumbing to a blissful sleep. While having her there doesn't exactly make me comfortable, I've gotten used to it. What I haven't gotten used to is . . . The Hunt.

Kloe is our cat. She's fairly large, although I suspect most of it is fur and super saggy skin. Kloe has lots of hobbies. Her hobbies include, but are not limited to; sleeping all day, sneaking Q-tips from the bathroom, playing with her sister Kea, kicking Bella out of the heated beds, lounging on the bathroom floor, standing in the space her water bowl goes (so when you try to put it back after filling it you can't), standing on the bathroom counter so she can lick the water off your hands as you wash them, and sitting on the tub so she can watch you shower.

But her favorite hobby of all, is to hunt Bella in the night time. Although I don't see what she gets out of it, as it couldn't be much of a challenge; she knows exactly where to find Bella each night. She'll jump up on the bed, and wack the spot in the bed where Bella sleeps. Kloe wacks, Bella yelps, Kloe wacks some more. Then I ever so gently NUDGE Kloe off the bed with my foot. Don't worry, no kittehs are harmed, they always land on their feet, right? Right? Meh- it's dark so I don't know how she lands. That's what she gets, 'cause she doesn't do this when I'm wide awake, she only does this when I'm on the cusp of sleep, and in my half awake- half asleep state a loud WACK on the bed scares the poo out of me.

Never one to be deterred from any activity she enjoys, Kloe inevitably returns minutes later to start the process all over again. Getting sick of the games, a couple nights ago I decided on a softer approach. When the wack came, rather than push her off the bed I snatched her up and proceeded to subject her to some fierce cuddling. This plan backfired greatly. My assumption had been she would freak out and run away never to return again, aha! However, she put forth the world's loudest purr straight into my ear, and began to lick my hand like a puppy, methodically moving from one finger to the next. She continued her barrage of love by rubbing her face into my hair (atomic purring all the while), and rolling around.

Once Kloe was bored, or more entertained by something else, she wanders off, and in enters Kea.

Should Kea find me lying on my side, she finds the only way she can be comfortable is to stretch out on top of me, molding to my side like a fuzzy kitteh blanket. A blanket with claws to ensure she stays atop me should I make the grave mistake of moving. If you're curious, yes-breathing constitutes as moving.

Should this creature of mine find me not lying on my side, she carries out her most favorite of early morning rituals. When I say "early morning" I mean early morning. She loves to trot in at 5AM and nibble on my ear. Not the fleshy lobe part, but the upper part that has that curling lip that is apparently so perfect for cat fangs to grasp a hold of. This particular brand of nibbling seems harmless at first. That's what she wants you to think. She locks her vice-like jaws softly, and gradually increases pressure, slowly pinching until you're convinced she has just pierced your ear. And the worst part is she does not let go, and there is nothing you can do to convince her otherwise. I have tried to pull at her scruff, shake her (again, ever so gently) and pinch her so she knows how it feels and empathetically release but no- you simply have to wait until she thinks you have been willed into submission by her power. And then she releases, and skips along pleased with herself.

All the while we have Brighton. This boy is dead to the world when he sleeps. Observe:

Passed out on Jordan's shoulder, doesn't look so comfortable, but Jordan could get up and walk around, pick him up, put him down etc. and he wouldn't wake up until he's good and ready to. Keeping along with the tradition of particular sleep habits the other pets have, this boy can only sleep stretched out in between Jordan and I. I have tried to move him to the other side of Jordan, but the speed in which he frantically scrambled over Jordan back to the very center of the bed could only be described as motivated by fear. Perhaps he is concerned about intruders and feels the center is the safest.

The worst part however is should I move, he slides in closer to me. For example; if I'm on my back, and I roll over onto my side, he will slide in closer to me and stretch along my back. But then, I can't roll back over (without squishing him). So then I am forced to roll over to my stomach if I need to change positions, but of course he slides himself right on over and I am again blocked off from rolling over the opposite direction. Many a time I have woken on the very edge of the bed, Brighton pressed against me and a massive gap in the middle. I have tried to pick him up and move him, but he just lets himself slide right back up against me.

It's a wonder I get any sleep at all with every single patch of horror we have adopted into our lives. They're still cute though, so I will keep them.

I Have Solved the Mystery!

We all know that Hollywood is rocked with scandal and scrupulous people. Well I, yes I BreAnn, have solved a hollywood mystery. The oldest kind of scandal there is. . . twins (wait for it) seperated at birth! (GASP!)
I don't think these people know that they are twins. It's going to be embarrassing when they find out and realize that I knew the whole time.

The unknowing sisters are . . .

Maggie Gyllenhal

And

The girl from the Progressive commercials

Yes, now that you see the two of them, it's a pretty blatant resemblance, right? It's just a shame that they don't know they're sisters. . . yet. Perhaps I will write a letter exposing their sisterdom.

They'll probably write a haiku in my honor.