Vegetarianish

Last weekend I went to Texas Roadhouse with a couple of my family members.  They convinced me to try the steak, and I decided to give it a go, and me and my sister, Britney decided to split one.

The waiter came along and asked for our order, and asked how we'd like it cooked.  Britney piped up with "medium rare" as I was about to say "well-done" and I realized that although we're splitting a steak we never put much thought ahead of time that we'd probably want it cooked differently.  The waiter and my family assured me that "medium-rare" was the best way to cook a steak 'cause the meat melts in your mouth.  Really, melting meat is the best way you can convince me to try something new?  'Cause the idea of meat melting in my mouth isn't as appetizing as you might think.  I said ok, I'll do it your way, let's go ahead and cook it medium-rare.

The steak came out and my stomach flipped.  It was so red.  I was told that the red is just the juices, and it's not blood.  Personally, I'm going to go ahead and assume that if it looks like blood, smells like blood and tastes like blood, chances are extremely high that it's blood.  The kind waiter happened to stop by as I said "I'm sorry, I just can't eat that." and said he'd take my half back to cook more.  While I'm incredibly grateful, I couldn't help but wonder why that option wasn't offered in the beginning while we were debating how the steak should be cooked.  My brother said to the waiter, "Sorry, she's a vegetarian, and we're trying to get her to start eating meat."  Not true, but completely worth the look on the waiter's face as his jaw dropped and said something along the lines of  "Wow, you're sure throwing her out there starting her with a steak."

My steak came back still pink, but I didn't want to be the brat to send it back a second time, and decided to just eat it as is.  I don't want to use the word "painful", but I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a steak girl.  That meat just sat in my stomach all day and made me feel gross.  I'm still waiting for a cat-sized parasite to burst through my stomach adorned in top hat and tails ala Space Balls's parody of Alien.

But now I'm thinking maybe I should be a vegetarian. I've actually put a lot of thought into this, and I'm going to do it.  No animal products whatsoever.

Except dairy of course.  That's not really a big deal, anyway.  And life without ice cream is no life at all.  Oh, and eggs I think are fine 'cause those things were never alive anyway, and they get laid whether or not people eat them.  So milk and eggs, but everything else is off limit.

Except. . .  tuna's not bad, right?  Fish aren't really that sentient and fish are just fish.  Yes, tuna is ok.

Although, chicken is just the basic white meat, right?  Chicken is just chicken and it's hard to get away from chicken, so why bother?  Ok, so chicken is acceptable.  It'll be my source of protein, since the body has to have protein.

And Turkey on thanksgiving.  What is Thanksgiving without turkey?  Turkeys are stupid anyway.  They can drown themselves by looking up at the sky when it rains.  That being said, they kind of deserve to die.

And bacon is super delicious.  I mean, really really good stuff, that bacon.

Other than that I'm going to be a totally hardcore vegetarian.

Overshare

Coworker: "Hmm, that sucks."

Bre: "Your mom sucks."

Coworker: "Yeah- my dad!"

Um . . . . really?  Why would you think that? I don't have a whole more to say about the subject.

*Shudder*

It's the Grand Chahee's Birthday!

Saturday was my birthday.  To be quite honest I didn't really think much of it, and kept forgetting about it.  Let's see, what am I doing Saturday again?  Seems like it was something important . . .

My sis and I had decided that we were going to go to breakfast at IHOP that morning.  Saturday morning rolled around and I went to pick her up.  And to my surprise her husband was coming along as well.   I was excited 'cause he's a good guy and the more the merrier!

We got to IHOP and as we got to a door there was another lady there that looked a lot like my mom.  Oh wait, it is my mom!  What are the odds that we all happened to be going to IHOP at the same time?  Which is extra weird 'cause my mom isn't one to just go out to breakfast Saturday mornings.  Oh now I get it!  She's there to meet us!  How silly of me.  I was extra excited, what a delightful surprise!  We get inside and there stands my dad and my grandma!  Talk about a good birthday surprise (especially considering I hadn't really put much thought into it actually being my birthday).

Throughout the day I had a lot of birthday wishes thrown my way, but none that could beat the text I got from my friend, Maggie:

(If you're unfamiliar with this song, that's really unfortunate for you 'cause it's going to make considerably less sense)

"You had (or currently having) a birthday, shout hooray (HOORAY!)  We want to sing to you today (want to, but won't).  One year older and wiser too (I'd sure hope so.  Does mean you have 26 wise points, or like wise vouchers?  Could you trade in said vouchers for prizes?  Like at 5 you could cash in for a sparkly pencil, 20 an applebees gift card, 50 an ipod, and if you make it to 100, new hips?  So you could get a gift card AND a sparkly pencil if you cash in now!  Do it, I bet they have a blue sparkly one . . . anyway . . .) haaaaappy birthday to YOU!"

Aaaaaaand that's why she's my best friend.

My b-day was grand.  Thanks for all you lovely people out there who wished me a happy birthday.  Golly, I felt special!

Love,
Bre

P.S. I'm wearing a new bra, and the underwire is fashioned out of razor blades and dipped in the devil's spit.  thought you'd want to know.

I Got Christmas Covered

My Christmas Tree at home may be a little on the disfigured side, but I made a tree at work the kits can't touch:

If you can't tell, it's made out of hands.  (Not literal hands, but hands cut out of paper.)

It was a good use of company time.

Let's Play a Game

A little game called "What's in the bag?".  Kea is curious to know as well.

Go ahead take a guess. . .

Scarves?

Tissues?

Gingerbread?

Elves?

Chocolate?

Foreign currency?

 A massive amount of bubble gum?

A pillow of immeasurable softness?

Santa's undergarments?

Blood diamonds?

Dragon eggs?

A lifetime supply of post-it notes?

Part of a cloud?

Well, I suppose we should just find out for ourselves:

OH!  It's Kloe!  Yeah, I guess that's no surprise.

The Things I Do To Keep Entertained

I love my job, but like most jobs there are times when I'm swamped, and other times that are really slow.  There doesn't seem to be any happy medium.  Oddly enough, I'm not much a fan of the slow times 'cause I don't like feeling like a slacker (even if it's because there's nothing for me to do) and also when I'm not busy the time goes slower and an eight hour shift feels like a 12 hour shift.

I'm able to entertain myself somewhat on the internet, but you can only check facebook so many times, and catching up on everyone's blogs doesn't take much time.  I've had to get a little creative in finding things to keep me entertained.

My latest piece of joy has suceeded in making the day go a lot faster.  A coworker of mine found a dramatic reading of Lord of the Rings.  If you're not familiar with dramatic readings, they're different from audio books because rather than having one person read the book word for word they have a whole cast who each reads a character, and they add in sound effects and the like.  Since they're older they tend to be incredibly cheesy and fantastically entertaining.

I started listening and it took my mind off the boredom, but then I began to think that there was definitely something to up the ante.

Lord of the Rings Bingo!

What a delight.

I Have Cracked the Code

I was scrolling through the Utah's Most Wanted list to see if I knew anyone,  with the dream of busting some obnoxious coworker or neighbor and receiving the key to the city.

I didn't see anyone I know, but I did take note of something else.  Most of these people had extraordinarily large foreheads.  I have come to the conclusion that crime is not the result of a massive string of bad choices, but simply by the shape of your head.

Looking closer and I began to notice a startling pattern.  Let me show you.

They each have distinct large bulging foreheads, and a point at the top of their head.  Their eyebrows all seem to be the same shape. They are also all sex offenders.



This next group of people all have small eyes, that are set really close together.

They were also all arrested for drug related crimes, so they have that in common as well.  Of course, look at them, are you really surprised they're druggies?


These next people were all arrested for various charges of theft and felony.  They all have oval shaped heads.  I'm not saying fatties are thieves, so don't mistake oval for chubby.  They also have similar lips, besides the fact they're all in frowns, of course.
 

 
 
Hey, why the long face? Oh, 'cause you were arrested for forgery or fraud? Yeah, so were these next people, and they all have a long face.

Ok, I'm not really saying you have unnaturally close eyes so you much be selling crack, or that your massive forehead suggests rapist tendencies.  Another big thing all these people have in common is that they are beyond stupid.

I'm curious, what do you think this guy did?

And last but not least, here is my personal favorite.

If you wanna see the list for yourself, click here.