I Have Multiple Personality Disorder

I've just had it brought to my attention that I have multiple personalities.  I am terrified.  Not because my alter ego is a crazy serial killer (at least not that I know of) but because I had absolutely no idea, and no recollection of events that have happened whilst my other Bre is at the reins.  Also, she is a self-deprecating, attention-seeking hypochondriac.

So, just like me.  I wonder if her greatest goal is to become Rebecca Black's Lyricist as well.

My first sign of this fabled disorder was a couple weeks ago.  There is a lady that I used to work closely with on a project last Aug/Sept, but every time I see her in the halls she avoids eye contact, and doesn't say anything back if I say something to her.  It was like we had never met.  It was like rude.  To seek my revenge, I made sure to say hi to her every time I saw her, determined to get a response, a simple "hi" in return.  Nevertheless, I got zilch, and I started to wonder if I had made up ever working with her.  I decided that I had more than enough casual and unnecesary work acquaintances, and let her live in her silent world.

Then, a couple weeks ago I hopped onto the elevator to find her inside.  I groaned inwardly knowing it was going to be an awkward ride.  To my surprise she turns to me and says, "Hi, I'm, Smichelle!"  (You know, to protect her identity and all) My jaw nearly dropped, she speaks!  Then I said, "I'm BreAnn, we've actually met, and we worked together on sherka."  Sherka isn't actually the name of the project, but I figure you're not going to know what I'm talking about, so I could create any project name I wanted.

Then she says, "Oh, I didn't recognize you in this building."  For clarification purposes, I should explain that our company has two buildings that connect by a bridge in the middle.  I used to work in one, and now I work in the other.  Though, that explanation doesn't clear up why I would look like a completely different person from one building to the next.

Days after that I ran into her in the bathroom.  As I've mentioned previously I prefer not to have conversations in the bathroom, and I thought given our previous, and very silent, encounters before that I was in the clear.  But, maybe she felt bad about her diss in the elevator and thought she had to make up for it, and chose to do so by asking how I've been feeling.  I felt really confused right then, that's for sure.  I answered that I was fine, and she enquired about my health.  Since I had no clue what she was talking about I thought this might be regarding my weight, and the fact that there is a lot of it.  I sputtered a little and included some drawn out "ums" and she said something about all my health problems and how I've had to miss a lot of work because of my ongoing health issues.

To be honest my first thought was, I have?!  For a minute I was about to answer that I was feeling much better, thank you.  Then I realized that should I have major health issues Miss I Didn't Recognize You In This Building wasn't going to be my confidant.  I thought the most polite way to say "You're friggin' crazy" would be, "I don't remember that."  She insisted that yes, weren't you gone from work a lot because of your health?  I told her no, she must be thinking of someone else, and excused myself from the bathroom.

The second part of this story would make more sense if you understand that A) My sister works at the same company, B) She's super preggo and C) We have a Sister Code that point blank states any big news must be shared with the sister before anyone else, our parents being the only exception.  Yes, it's in writing.

My sister IM'd me yesterday proclaiming in no uncertain terms that she thought we were sisters and in short, I had broken the Sister Code.  Apparently, someone was talking to her yesterday and told her something about me that she never knew.  I couldn't imagine what it could be, or who would know some deep dark secret of mine.  I asked her who it was and this person had never shared a heart to heart convo with me.  My sister says that they were talking about her pregnancy, and this individual, whom we'll call Schmanna, asked her if I was ok with her being pregnant 'cause apparently I told her that I had been desperately trying to get pregnant for years and haven't been able to.

Perhaps these are my fabled health issues that took me out of work?

My sister, confused and probably offended said, "Hmmm, I never knew about that."  Schmanna insisted that I had told her all about my struggle to concieve.  My sister was quite surprised that I had kept my infertility issues a secret, and that I would choose to tell a random coworker of all people.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that I have multiple personalities.  This other me is running around telling people about her health problems, and mourns for her unborn children.  So, if you're ever talking to me and I insist my name isn't Bre, and I say my name is really Jennaphernelia, (that just feels right, somehow) just know that you're about to hear an earful about my/her personal problems.