I Saw a UFO

Actually, I saw two of them.  They were small, lighted and humming.

I'm pretty sure they were just remote controlled airplanes with lights on them.

But that's what they want you to think.

Brighton's Fiscal Friend

I cleaned out my purse and ended up with a big ol' stack of coins.  Luckily my mom got me the coolest piggy bank this side of the Mississippi.  So cool I feel like I need to spell it "kewl".  My piggy bank scares the living crap out of Brighton, which only makes is cooler (kewler). 

This is a very concerned creature.

My bank is a plush puppy, and when you put a coin in its back it whines, barks and pants all while flapping it's ears up and down.  Its hell to Brighton, he really loses his mind when the bank goes off.  As I said, I had a big ol' stack of coins and a bit of time.

To really get at him I put the bank on the table, and enjoyed watching Boy try to get up there.  Apparently, Kloe enjoyed the show as well.

He never was able to reach the faux pup, though not for lack of trying.

I don't think this war is over yet.

I Have Multiple Personality Disorder

I've just had it brought to my attention that I have multiple personalities.  I am terrified.  Not because my alter ego is a crazy serial killer (at least not that I know of) but because I had absolutely no idea, and no recollection of events that have happened whilst my other Bre is at the reins.  Also, she is a self-deprecating, attention-seeking hypochondriac.

So, just like me.  I wonder if her greatest goal is to become Rebecca Black's Lyricist as well.

My first sign of this fabled disorder was a couple weeks ago.  There is a lady that I used to work closely with on a project last Aug/Sept, but every time I see her in the halls she avoids eye contact, and doesn't say anything back if I say something to her.  It was like we had never met.  It was like rude.  To seek my revenge, I made sure to say hi to her every time I saw her, determined to get a response, a simple "hi" in return.  Nevertheless, I got zilch, and I started to wonder if I had made up ever working with her.  I decided that I had more than enough casual and unnecesary work acquaintances, and let her live in her silent world.

Then, a couple weeks ago I hopped onto the elevator to find her inside.  I groaned inwardly knowing it was going to be an awkward ride.  To my surprise she turns to me and says, "Hi, I'm, Smichelle!"  (You know, to protect her identity and all) My jaw nearly dropped, she speaks!  Then I said, "I'm BreAnn, we've actually met, and we worked together on sherka."  Sherka isn't actually the name of the project, but I figure you're not going to know what I'm talking about, so I could create any project name I wanted.

Then she says, "Oh, I didn't recognize you in this building."  For clarification purposes, I should explain that our company has two buildings that connect by a bridge in the middle.  I used to work in one, and now I work in the other.  Though, that explanation doesn't clear up why I would look like a completely different person from one building to the next.

Days after that I ran into her in the bathroom.  As I've mentioned previously I prefer not to have conversations in the bathroom, and I thought given our previous, and very silent, encounters before that I was in the clear.  But, maybe she felt bad about her diss in the elevator and thought she had to make up for it, and chose to do so by asking how I've been feeling.  I felt really confused right then, that's for sure.  I answered that I was fine, and she enquired about my health.  Since I had no clue what she was talking about I thought this might be regarding my weight, and the fact that there is a lot of it.  I sputtered a little and included some drawn out "ums" and she said something about all my health problems and how I've had to miss a lot of work because of my ongoing health issues.

To be honest my first thought was, I have?!  For a minute I was about to answer that I was feeling much better, thank you.  Then I realized that should I have major health issues Miss I Didn't Recognize You In This Building wasn't going to be my confidant.  I thought the most polite way to say "You're friggin' crazy" would be, "I don't remember that."  She insisted that yes, weren't you gone from work a lot because of your health?  I told her no, she must be thinking of someone else, and excused myself from the bathroom.

The second part of this story would make more sense if you understand that A) My sister works at the same company, B) She's super preggo and C) We have a Sister Code that point blank states any big news must be shared with the sister before anyone else, our parents being the only exception.  Yes, it's in writing.

My sister IM'd me yesterday proclaiming in no uncertain terms that she thought we were sisters and in short, I had broken the Sister Code.  Apparently, someone was talking to her yesterday and told her something about me that she never knew.  I couldn't imagine what it could be, or who would know some deep dark secret of mine.  I asked her who it was and this person had never shared a heart to heart convo with me.  My sister says that they were talking about her pregnancy, and this individual, whom we'll call Schmanna, asked her if I was ok with her being pregnant 'cause apparently I told her that I had been desperately trying to get pregnant for years and haven't been able to.

Perhaps these are my fabled health issues that took me out of work?

My sister, confused and probably offended said, "Hmmm, I never knew about that."  Schmanna insisted that I had told her all about my struggle to concieve.  My sister was quite surprised that I had kept my infertility issues a secret, and that I would choose to tell a random coworker of all people.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that I have multiple personalities.  This other me is running around telling people about her health problems, and mourns for her unborn children.  So, if you're ever talking to me and I insist my name isn't Bre, and I say my name is really Jennaphernelia, (that just feels right, somehow) just know that you're about to hear an earful about my/her personal problems.

Thank You, Georgia

Last night I was driving home from work, enjoying the warmish weather. I had my window rolled half down to indulge in a delightful breeze.  That's when it hits me; the gift Georgia gave me.

Several years ago I was driving through Georgia.  Perhaps I should clarify the state of Georgia, and not a person, that makes a big difference.  It was a pretty drive, and the air felt nice as I stuck my arm out the window and breathed in the warm air. 

Then I experienced something I had never felt before, and to say I was confused is an understatement.  A thousand tiny little needles started stabbing me in the eyes, tears poured from my eyes and ran down my cheeks.  My traveling companions thought I was bawling, and I very well could have.  I dug my fists into my eyes, knowing I was smearing my mascara everywhere, it was a lost cause anyway since my tears made quick work of any semblance of makeup I had on.  I ripped out my contacts, and settled in to rub, rub, rub.

"What's wrong, Bre?!"

"It burns!!!"

"Bre, it's just allergies."

"But, I don't have allergies!"

"Uh, pretty sure you do."

Before that moment I had never experienced an inkling of allergies, and then it was like getting smacked in the eyes with an angry cat.  Georgia had ripped open a Pandora's box within me.

Every spring since then I have gotten allergies in the evening when I'm driving around.  Every time it hits me I think, "Thank you, Georgia."

My Imaginary Adventures

Often times at work someone will see the background on my computer and ask me all about it.  Where was it taken, who took the picture, when did that happen, how was I able to get that picture, and so forth.  It's getting old to explain that I don't know anything about the picture; I just downloaded a batch of backgrounds off Bing, and point to the giant Bing logo on the picture.

So, I started giving explanations of the pictures. 

This picture was taken during my last trip to New York.  I was fortunate enough to be part of the Statue Revitalization Project (SRP).  SRP restores and maintains the statue, a process that takes several weeks and is done every 5 years.  I was in charge of repainting the right arm and hand, and left my initials in the thumb nail.

This was taken in Panama.  I was only interested in the fishing, but ended up an honorary member of the Tishunda tribe, an indigenous tribe that lives along the mouth of the Piwi river as it lets into the sea, where I was fishing.  The down side of this trip was that my guide, Richu, came down with a nasty case of Panamanian fever, more commonly known in the States as influenza.  He spent three days hurling over the boat, which ended up beneficial simply because the regurgitated rice chunks attracted fish like you wouldn't believe.

This was taken during my season aboard Sea Shepard's Bob Barker.  During this photo we were hot on the trail of the Nishan Maru when they had sailed into an iceberg field to try and lose us.  Unfortunately for them the Bob Barker is an ice breaker, and we dove in after them.  Butyric acid in hand, we soon caught up to the Japanese whaling vessel and made our presence known.  No whales died that day.

This picture I had a little fun with.  Meet Bernie, he was a good sport while I took my pictures.  In fact, all of the polar bears in this photo is Bernie.  I overlapped them all to make it look like a whole fleet of bears.  Bernie eventually decided he had enough of the photo shoot and charged toward me.  I took off running, and Bernie made quick work of the tripod I left behind as I ran.

While vacationing in this quaint English villiage my purse was stolen, and all my money and plane ticket along with it.  I was forced to get a short time job that would provide me with enough money to get a plane ticket home.  That is how I found myself as a PA on the set of the last installment of the Harry Potter series.  The weather was gorgeous all week, and then as we started shooting a seen with Voldemort this wicked storm rolled in.  My suspicions have been confirmed that God is a Harry Potter fan.

This was on my Alaskan cruise.  You can see my ship in the harbor, Adventure of the Seas.  This harbor was not on the itinerary, but we ran out of shrimp and a riot started among the other cruise-goers.  After four crew members were trampled, resulting in injuries varying from a black eye to a broken arm, the captain made an emergency pit stop to pick up more shrimp. 

This was during the same cruise.  We were very fortunate to take our cruise during prime aurora borealis season.  Unfortunately, after hiking to this perfect viewing area I reached into my backpack only to realize that I left my camera on the boat.  Not willing to hike down and back up again, yet desperate for a good photo of this phenomenon I punched out another tourist and stole their camera.  I thought the picture turned out nicely, though.

This is my brother, he's an amazing canyoneering guide.  (This is actually true, you can check his website out here.  You should do a canyon with him, it's much like doing a canyon with James Franco, minus being stranded and cutting your own arm off with a pocket knife).  This is the Womamoke waterfall in south Oregon.  He had a great time paddling his kayak around, up until he realized he had no way to get back to the top of the waterfall, where his car was parked.

This is the family vineyard in Tuscany.  It has been in our family for seven generations.  We not only make the most savory of wines, but we also have a large plot where we grow a myriad of flowers for fine perfumes.  I'm next in line to inherit this property, but I think I'm just going to sell it and use the money to buy Neverland Ranch.

Yes, the next time someone asks me about my background they will hear all about it.

The Day Karma Took The Wheel

I don't really believe in karma.  However, sometimes things happen, and you can't call it anything but karma.

When I was in 6th grade, my dad dropped me and my older brother off at the public library and told us to call him when we were ready to be picked up.  I was working on a school project, and wasn't nearly finished when my brother (to protect his identity, I'll call him Sdaren) said he was ready to go home.  Sdaren was insistent that we leave, and I argued that I still had work to do.  In frustration Sdaren grabbed my pencil and stabbed me in the arm, breaking the tip off into my arm in the process.

I was then ready to go home.

We called my dad and asked to be picked up, and while we waited I was convinced I was going to get lead poisoning.  I could feel myself getting weak, and are those heart palpitations?  The lead has reached my heart!  Then the kind librarian explained that pencil lead is actually made of graphite.  I was relieved, and incredibly annoyed at the misnomer.

My dad dropped Sdaren off at home, and took me to an after-hours clinic, since it was a Saturday.  Sdaren is nothing but thorough in his stabbings; the pencil tip was wedged in deep and diagonally.  The doctor had to slice the hole wider to be able to retrieve the non-lead pencil lead, clean my gaping wound out and stitch me up, good as new.

We got home and I was eager to milk my injury to make Sdaren feel bad.  However, we found Sdaren lying on the couch, groaning with a gallon Ziploc bag full of ice on his shoulder.  As bad as I felt for him, I couldn't help but laugh.

Apparently, whilst we were at the doctor's office Sdaren and our older brother, we'll call him Sbrandon, got into an argument.  Sbrandon chased Sdaren up the stairs, Sdaren went to turn the corner to run down the hall, but turned prematurely and ran into the wall.

My dad now had to take Sdaren to the doctor.  Again, it was a Saturday, and the only clinic that was open was the same one he had taken me to.  I would have loved to see the look on the doctor's face when he saw my father right back with a different kid in tow.

They got home with Sdaren's arm in a sling and an official report that his collarbone was broken.

The best part of the story?  I was talking to Daren this morning, and asked permission to write about this delightful incident.  He said sure, and I went through an overview of the story to make sure I was remembering everything right.  Afterwards he made a few amendments to the story.  Our conversation went as follows:

Daren: "I didn't actually run into a wall. I was running away, and Brandon grabbed my wrist and hit my shoulder in a downward motion."

Bre: "What I heard was Brandon was chasing you, and you went to turn around a corner, but turned too soon and ran into the wall with your shoulder."

Daren: "Yeah, that's what I told the parents 'cause I was afraid I was going to get in trouble."

Bre: "In trouble for what?  For Brandon hurting you?"

Daren: "I threw the monopoly game at him and ran."

Bre: "Hahaha, 'cause you were losing?"
 
Daren: "No, because he was cheating."

Bre: "And you chose to say that you ran into a wall?  I still don't get why you would have gotten in trouble."

Daren: "I wasn't thinking, I was in a severe amount of pain, and couldn't think properly. I'm convinced that Brandon brainwashed me to think I would get in trouble."

I believe that, Brandon was very good at getting me and Daren to believe that we would also get in trouble if we tattled.  I guess my mom was right when she said the truth always comes out eventually.

In the end, perhaps karma is real after all.  It couldn't get anymore blatant than rewarding my older brother for stabbing me with his older brother breaking his collarbone.

What do you think?  Does karma exist?  I'd like to hear your stories of karmic rewards.

P.S.  I looked it up, "karmic" really is a word.

Sunshine

Apparently I'm not the only one enjoying the sun.

In contrast, the dogs have gone emo.

Look at the wingspan on that creature!

P.S. I bet you thought you'd never see pictures outnumber sentences on my blog!

Published Again!

Remember that one time I was Published by an online magazine that features writers, Voices from the Garage?

I remember that.

Recently, I received an email from them saying that they enjoyed my post, and would like to publish something else of mine.  I was tickled pink, naturally.

I looked at their homepage, and saw that five months after it was originally posted Chillax Motivation! was still featured on their homepage.  I was tickled a deeper shade of pink.

I had no idea what to send them, and after asking a couple people and getting zero feedback (not that I'm bitter or anything) I sent them Vegatarianish, and hoped they didn't mistake me for being mildly retarded.

I got an email back saying they would love to post it, and feel free to send anything else.  I was tickled a light shade of red by this point.

Vegetarianish is now featured on their homepage, go ahead and check it out . . . here!

Love,

Bre

P.S. I bought tickets to see Lion King on Broadway today.  One month from next week I'll get to cross an item off my Bucket List.