Public Restroom Woes

There are a large number of no-no's when it comes to public restroom etiquette. I think I need to provide a training course for my coworkers on what this fabled list entails. Somehow I doubt they would appreciate my soapbox, however I'm confident no one at work reads this.  So, I will vent for all to hear um, read.

To the person on the cell phone:  How important can that call really be? You need to evaluate your priorities; do you need to talk on the phone more, or do you really need to pee? You can't, can't do both at the same time. Take your pick, and whichever feels more urgent, that's what you do. Talk about pressure-it's hard enough knowing some other random person can hear me while I do my thing, but I don't need said random person's significant other, bank rep, or roommate to hear me as well.

To the rocket pee people: "What's a 'rocket pee', Bre?" you may be asking. Why, I'll tell you, curious soul. A rocket pee, is when someone is apparently in so much of a hurry to pee that they force it out so fast that they could very well lift off. I used this phrase while describing the phenomenon to my hubby, and darn it all if it doesn't fit perfectly.

Heaven forbid I use a "stop and smell the roses" analogy at this time, as it is wildly inappropriate for the topic. However, I understand you may be in a time crunch with break time diminishing and all, but my thoughts are as follows: Can you really be that desperate to return to work? Let me repeat myself, because it's that big of a point, you are rushing through man's basic need because you want to hurry and why? The only thing waiting for you is work.

To the people that don't wash their hands: I genuinely have nothing to say to you. You are that dumb that I choose not to acknowledge your existence in this world, as I do not wish to talk to your kind for fear that you might touch me.

To those that come to work and do their hair and makeup in the bathroom: The whole point of doing your hair and makeup is so you don't look like a hoodlum in public. You are now in public in all your hoodlum glory, so what's the point? We've already seen you all splotchy so it doesn't really matter. We know what you look like fer reals now. Sure, I like to sleep in as much as possible as well, but what's the difference between being 15 minutes late, and not actually starting work until 15 minutes after 'cause you were in the bathroom primping?

To the individuals that bring their food into the bathroom: You deserve to die. Which is convenient, because that is probably what's going to happen to you with who knows what airborne settling silent and invisible into your Hot Pocket®.

To those that bring their drinks into the bathroom: You probably won't die. Congratulations! However, you're really living life on the edge, you should probably just leave it outside the door. Note: This is only if you have a lid on your drink. If you have an open cup: You're probably going to die, yes. And "lid" in this circumstance cannot be defined by a fountain drink lid with a straw. The straw is definitely the Achilles Heel of your drink, the "who knows what" as discussed previously is tricky and can get down in there.

Now you think I'm a germaphobe, but word on the street is airborne googalies (please don't ask me to define that, just use your imagination) can "leap" up to six feet from your toilet. True story.

Lake Powell! A Trip of Firsts

For Labor Day weekend me, Jordan, my parents, my sis and her hubby, my brother and his wife and their three kids all went to Lake Powell! We rented a houseboat, and recently Jeff and Brit went in together to buy a boat, so we brought that as well.
We didn't want to waste the first day we had our houseboat in just driving down there, so we camped the first night, and picked the houseboat up first thing in the morning. We launched the speed boat, and then loaded up the houseboat and launched that. We then met up with the speed boat, hooked it up to the back of the boat and took off. We stopped the boat for lunch, and after that we took off to find a place to just park the boat so we could play. It was so nice to be able to sit back and relax and read while we were cruising. Eventually we got to the canyons where we thought we might want to park the boat. Because the houseboat doesn't go that fast, and it was so large that we didn't want it stuck in some small canyon we couldn't turn around in, we decided to launch the speedboat for a reconnaissance mission.

Jordan and I rode with Jeff on said mission. We cruised up one canyon, and took all the different ways that canyon branched out on, but because it was Labor Day weekend, everything was packed. Beyond packed. We left that canyon, and headed on to another. By this time we were well ahead of the houseboat, and Jordan had been eyeing the kneeboard we had in the boat with us. He kept eyeing it for a while and said, "Can we do that?" I was surprised 'cause I had never seen Jordan on a boat before, and he never wanted to go out boating with the fam before so I didn't really peg him as one that would want to hop out and try the kneeboard. We borrowed the kneeboard from a neighbor so none of us had tried it before, and we weren't sure how to really get up on it. So Jeff, said why not, we're ahead of the boat by a long shot, so we might as well play a little. So Jordan-who didn't even have a swimming suit on that point-hopped in the water clothes and all and gave it a go. The houseboat radioed in for our position and the conversation went as follows:

Jeff: "Guess who's breaking in the kneeboard?"

Dad: "Of course you."

Jeff: "Um, that's impossible since I'm on the radio with you, and I can't talk on the radio while I'm in the water."

Dad: "Not Bre?!" (Thanks for your confidence Dad!)

Jeff: "Guess again."

Dad: "You're kidding-Jordan?!"

I guess my whole fam, like me, assumed he was not all about the water sports. It was great that Jordan was such a shocker.

After we let the house boat get ahead of us a bit we decided to get back to our reconnaissance and it was looking pretty grim. Never again will I go on a holiday 'cause it was ridiculously crowded. We hit a dead end in one canyon called Hansen's Creek I believe and as we were turning around we noticed that both boats that were on the beach looked like they were leaving. We didn't know if they were just going off to play, or if they were leaving and not coming back. We asked one boat, and they said they were leaving, and they said that the other boat was leaving as well. Hallelujah. We waiting for them to leave and claimed our beach. We were really lucky 'cause it was sandy, so it wouldn't hurt the boats to beach there and the kiddies could play in the sand. It was also very secluded, so we had the canyon to ourselves, and we still had a large area in front of us where we could practice skiing, kneeboarding, and just tube off the main channel, with no one around to laugh at us, and with no wake other than our own. It was perfect.

So we got the houseboat all anchored down and it was time to play. We were all excited about the waterslide off the back of the boat, but then we saw that it was about a good five foot drop from the slide to the water, so that made us slightly wary. All of a sudden before we could realize what just happened Jordan went down the slide. Which was another surprise. He just has to be the first to do everything! In fact I think he was the first to water ski too.

I think the best part was the fact that we had nothing planned, no schedule pressing in on us. We could go out on the speedboat, go fishing, sit and read, nap, or jump off the back of the boat and play there. We played it all by ear and it was very relaxing. I am desperate to go back, and can't wait until next summer 'cause we are already planning a trip. I'd live there if I could.

New Position

For the last month and half (I told you I was behind on posts) I have had a new position at work. I am the new Documentation Specialist. Which doesn't mean anything to you, so in other words I am the administrator for the Knowledge Base. Which also doesn't mean anything to you. Unless you happen to know what a Knowledge Base is. Basically it's the database where all of our help articles are, all how-to articles for the web site. So, I write articles, edit articles, code, format and post articles. I also manage the database in terms of cleaning it up and keeping it maintained.

I have really enjoyed this new position, and I'm excited to see how it evolves as I am able to take on more challenging tasks. It has been really cool to be able to learn new things, and I'm anxious to see what else I can learn.

We also just released a new and improved Knowledge Base. It's a lot prettier than the old one, and increased functionality.

Click Here to see our slammin' new KB!