Judgemental Facebook Friend Suggester

I think we're all familiar with Facebook's "People You May Know" feature, yes?  If not, you must not have Facebook but, to explain, this feature will suggest friends for you to add. Every time I see these recommendations I get the feeling that Facebook is judging me.  This is what I feel the friend suggester would be saying if it could talk.

"Hey there, Bre.  I see that you and Jill McJillerson have 40 friends in common.  40!  It seems to me that you obviously know her.  So...why aren't you friends with Jill?  What happened between you two that 40 friends in common can't fix, hmmm?"

"Bre.  I suggested you add Jill McJillerson two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS AGO.  I can't help but wonder why you haven't added her, and I'm forced to recommend her friendship again.  Clearly, you're acquainted."

"You do know it's only Facebook friends, right?  I'm not suggesting BFFs or anything!"

"Ok, I'm starting to get the idea that you don't want to add Jill.  Though she's pretty cool, just sayin'. Last chance for you to add her.  I'll leave it up a while and let you mull it over.  Also, I'll suggest her in a couple weeks."

"While you're thinking about Jill, might I suggest Bob McBobster?  Ok, hear me out. I know he's a coworker, I know this coworker loves to eavesdrop on your conversations, and his creep factor is  a 9 out of 10, but look at his profile pic.  It's a baby!  A chubby little baby!  Who doesn't love babies?   Anyone with a baby as a profile picture couldn't be bad."

"I see you didn't add Bob.  I didn't want to say this, but it's apparent you hate babies."

"Fine, Bob is a no go.  How about these other coworkers?  I know you don't actually work in the same department, and you've never actually met, but it's probably not weird to add someone just because you work at the same company.  Friend away!"

"All right, I concede- no coworkers. You're really making this difficult for me.  Here are a couple people you knew from high school.  I'm pretty sure you had science with Jose McJosef and U.S. History with Gabe McGabin.  There's nothing like reconnecting with the past!"

"Ok, you're being a real jerk, Bre.  I recall you were lab partners with Jose, and I know for a fact you had a crush on Gabe, so why won't you just add them?  What's the problem, you don't even have to talk to them, just add them!"

"I realize you haven't kept in contact with them in the last 9 years, and I will admit if you wanted to be friends you would have added them by now, but Mark McMarcus was the bleeping CLASS PRESIDENT!  How can you not want the frickin' Class President on your friends list?!"

"Hey there Bre.  You may have noticed I've been absent for a while; I've been replaced with ads encouraging young mothers to go to college.  I think I needed this time to calm down, relax and regroup.  I've been going about this the wrong way, and am trying something new.  Bre, please meet Sanjeep McSanjay.  You do not know him, have zero friends in common and live in a completely different country.  Better yet, you don't even speak the same language, and I think he's looking for someone to buy him a plane ticket to America.  Since you have no desire to reconnect with old friends, I think it's best that you make new ones."

"Well up yours too!"