I got my butt handed to me by a homeless man.
After spending some time at FAO Schwartz we set off to find a bite to eat before we needed to head to Lion King. We found a delightful little deli just up the street and popped in there for lunch. If you're curious, and I know you are, I got a grilled chicken sammich with avocado. It made my heart sing.
I was out front by myself waiting for the rest of my peoples as they were buying cookies for the road. As I was standing there a homeless man approached me.
"Do you have any change?"
"I don't, I'm sorry." Which was very true.
"Well, you have a credit card, you can go in there and buy me a sandwich." This wasn't even said as a request, it was like it was the obvious solution to the problem of me not having change.
"I'm sorry?" I asked because I both couldn't believe I'd heard right, and because I could barely understand him through his thick mumbly accent.
"You can take your credit card, and go buy me a sandwich."
"I don't think I want to do that, I'm sorry sir."
"But, I'm hungry."
"I'm sorry, sir." Was all I had to say. I began to understand that he wasn't going to leave me alone, and my cavalry wasn't coming out of the deli anytime soon.
"So, where you come from you just let people go hungry?"
I have to admit at this point I was getting pretty defensive and annoyed. "Where I come from, people just have jobs."
"But, what am I supposed to do?"
"You should probably just get a job."
"But what am I supposed to do if people won't hire me?" I wanted to ask how this was my fault, but just shrugged and apologized again.
At this point a swanky dressed man walked up to the deli. The homeless man turned his attention to the newcomer, and asked him to buy him a sandwich. The man shook his head and went into the deli.
The homeless man turned back to me and said, "Rich guy won't buy me a sandwich, what's wrong with you?!"
Does that make sense to anyone else? I just rolled my eyes, "I'm not rich."
Finally the man sauntered off to accost more people and my crew came out of the deli with fresh cookies . We walked down the street and pssed the guy, who was now harassing another woman. I looked at him and pointedly bit into my cookie.
Maybe I am heartless, but I have a hard time giving handouts to people that don't help themselves. I'm more apt to give change to street performers rather than a guy that gives me the 3rd degree about buying him a sandwich.
What do you think? Would you have bought the guy a sandwich?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
MOM
In honor of Mother's day, I thought I would reminisce on a few memories of my mom.
When I was in Kindergarten each student had to read a story in front of the class. I decided to do The Little Red Hen. If you've never heard it before it was about a hen that grew some wheat and eventually used it to bake bread, all while her barnyard friends wouldn't help her. I'm sure there is a magical morale mixed in there somewhere. My mom made miniature loaves of bread for each kid in my class to have. All the kids thougt that was really cool that they got their own loaf of bread, myself included. I was the coolest kid in class that day.
My mom has always said she has ways of knowing things we think she couldn't possibly know, and if we ever do anything wrong, she'll know about it. She had a rule that we couldn't go downtown by oursleves, and I suppose it was a little dangerous. One day me and my friend decided we were going to bike to the local library. Yes, I realize how nerdy this makes me look that I would risk getting grounded to sneak to the library of all places. We biked down there, perused the library, went to the drugstore to buy some candy, went back to the library and read our books while eating our candy in the most sneaky of fashions to hide it from the librarians, and biked home. I thought we were home free (pun intended) until my mom came home from work that evening and asked how the library was. She was at work all day! She is a magician.
When my friends called the house and my mom answered the phone, it went something like this:
Friend: "Is Bre there?"
Mom: "Physically, but not mentally."
Classic.
One day my mom mentioned how much me and sister looked alike. We don't, and I mean we really don't. With my prowess in rhetoric I jumped to the first comparison that came to mind. Bugs, of course. "But mom, Brit is like a Walking Stick, and I'm like a-a Potato Bug!"
I should add that I was about 21 at that time.
I was in between apartments, and was crashing on my parents couch in the basement while I was waiting for the current tenants to move out of my apartment so I could move in. I had several friends over, and we were sitting in the basement when my mom started yelling down the steps:
"POTATO BUG! POTAAAAATO BUUUUUUG! OH, POTATO BUG!"
My friends stopped talking to listen to my mom holler down the stairs. Of course I tried, in vain, to ignore it.
"Is your mom saying 'Potato Bug'?"
"Ummmmm yeah, I guess she is."
"Wait, is your mom calling you Potato Bug?"
"Ha ha, no."
Then my mom chirps in with, "Potato Bug? BRE! Potato Bug, c'mere!"
She knew my friends were there, and knew exactly the effect it would have. Of course, my friends started calling me Potato Bug.
Jordan and I were freshly dating, and were still in the transition from friends to more than. I was again living in my parents basement, but this time I was occupying the only bedroom downstairs. Jordan came over to hang out a lot, so she was used to him there, but I guess she had sensed the change. I had a TV in my room, and we were sitting there watching a movie when she burst through the door with my dad's old shotgun and shouted "What are your intentions with my daughter?!" Except, she barely finished her sentence before she bust out laughing, and continued to laugh so hard she cried. She laughed the rest of the evening, she was so proud of herself. Jordan however, didn't find it as funny, and it took a while before he wasn't intimidated by my mom. I personally look forward to doing the same thing to my daughters' boyfriends.
I should probably make it clear that the gun wasn't loaded.
*****
My mom has a fear of water, and when we were planning our trip to Lake Powell we were desperate for her to come, even though we were planning on staying on a houseboat. It took a lot of begging, canoodling and bribing, but she eventually agreed to go on the trip.
Once there we joked about how we were going to get her out on the tube behind the speedboat. One morning we were all outside getting the boat ready to take out when she stepped out of the houseboat in her swimsuit, zipped up her lifejacket and said she was ready to go.
All our jaws dropped and we stared, unable to believe she was really going to get on the tube. Despite her fear she hopped on that tube.
My mom playing guitar hero. And if this awesomeness isn't self-explanatory, the look on Jordan's face in the background should be explanation enough.
When I was in Kindergarten each student had to read a story in front of the class. I decided to do The Little Red Hen. If you've never heard it before it was about a hen that grew some wheat and eventually used it to bake bread, all while her barnyard friends wouldn't help her. I'm sure there is a magical morale mixed in there somewhere. My mom made miniature loaves of bread for each kid in my class to have. All the kids thougt that was really cool that they got their own loaf of bread, myself included. I was the coolest kid in class that day.
*****
My mom has always said she has ways of knowing things we think she couldn't possibly know, and if we ever do anything wrong, she'll know about it. She had a rule that we couldn't go downtown by oursleves, and I suppose it was a little dangerous. One day me and my friend decided we were going to bike to the local library. Yes, I realize how nerdy this makes me look that I would risk getting grounded to sneak to the library of all places. We biked down there, perused the library, went to the drugstore to buy some candy, went back to the library and read our books while eating our candy in the most sneaky of fashions to hide it from the librarians, and biked home. I thought we were home free (pun intended) until my mom came home from work that evening and asked how the library was. She was at work all day! She is a magician.
*****
When my friends called the house and my mom answered the phone, it went something like this:
Friend: "Is Bre there?"
Mom: "Physically, but not mentally."
Classic.
*****
One day my mom mentioned how much me and sister looked alike. We don't, and I mean we really don't. With my prowess in rhetoric I jumped to the first comparison that came to mind. Bugs, of course. "But mom, Brit is like a Walking Stick, and I'm like a-a Potato Bug!"
I should add that I was about 21 at that time.
I was in between apartments, and was crashing on my parents couch in the basement while I was waiting for the current tenants to move out of my apartment so I could move in. I had several friends over, and we were sitting in the basement when my mom started yelling down the steps:
"POTATO BUG! POTAAAAATO BUUUUUUG! OH, POTATO BUG!"
My friends stopped talking to listen to my mom holler down the stairs. Of course I tried, in vain, to ignore it.
"Is your mom saying 'Potato Bug'?"
"Ummmmm yeah, I guess she is."
"Wait, is your mom calling you Potato Bug?"
"Ha ha, no."
Then my mom chirps in with, "Potato Bug? BRE! Potato Bug, c'mere!"
She knew my friends were there, and knew exactly the effect it would have. Of course, my friends started calling me Potato Bug.
*****
Jordan and I were freshly dating, and were still in the transition from friends to more than. I was again living in my parents basement, but this time I was occupying the only bedroom downstairs. Jordan came over to hang out a lot, so she was used to him there, but I guess she had sensed the change. I had a TV in my room, and we were sitting there watching a movie when she burst through the door with my dad's old shotgun and shouted "What are your intentions with my daughter?!" Except, she barely finished her sentence before she bust out laughing, and continued to laugh so hard she cried. She laughed the rest of the evening, she was so proud of herself. Jordan however, didn't find it as funny, and it took a while before he wasn't intimidated by my mom. I personally look forward to doing the same thing to my daughters' boyfriends.
I should probably make it clear that the gun wasn't loaded.
*****
My mom has a fear of water, and when we were planning our trip to Lake Powell we were desperate for her to come, even though we were planning on staying on a houseboat. It took a lot of begging, canoodling and bribing, but she eventually agreed to go on the trip.
Once there we joked about how we were going to get her out on the tube behind the speedboat. One morning we were all outside getting the boat ready to take out when she stepped out of the houseboat in her swimsuit, zipped up her lifejacket and said she was ready to go.
All our jaws dropped and we stared, unable to believe she was really going to get on the tube. Despite her fear she hopped on that tube.
Smiling or grimacing, you ask? I think I little bit of both.
While she didn't exactly conquer her fear, I was so proud that she kicked it in the butt a little that day.
******
My mom is the greatest mother I could have asked for. I feel so lucky to be her daughter. When I grow up I want to be just like her.
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