Bre Thinks

There are a lot of random thoughts that pass through my head throughout the day, and I usually keep them to myself since if I share people give me the look.  You know the one, where in a single glace you've just told the person that you have evaluated their mental state and it's not looking good.

Well, screw it. Here are a couple things I've thought about, and you can give me the look all you like . . . I actually won't see it.

--How did cats evolve webbed feet when they can't stand water?  Usually an animal evolves a certain feature that will help them in their life, but if they're never in the water, how did that come about?

--Sometimes when I barely miss out on a good parking space coming back from my lunch break I blame the person at the drive through for not going a little bit faster.

--Who would win a fight between a grizzly bear and a seagull?  A seagull, hands down.  They are gutsy little critters, and great aim, they would go for the eyes and the bear would be slowly pecked to death.  Seagull have little to no mercy.

--I don't really think my car looks nice, but I take pride in the fact that other people thinks it looks nice.

--I would like to know what happened between generations to make old ladies think their perfume smells good.

--Why are fortune cookies always so flattering?  I already bought the meal, there's no need to schmooze me.

--Why does no one say "goodbye" when ending a phone conversation on TV?  They just dramatically flip the phone closed.  I think it's rude.  I keep expecting the other person to stare at the phone and say "Oh no he didn't!"

--Why is there dust on fans?  You'd think the dust would be blown off.

--Because basic sentences have been changed in this day and age to include emoticons, I would like some clear rules regarding punctuation.  If I end my sentence in a smiley face ala colon and parenthesis, do I put the period before or after the smiley face?

The Vacuum

I've been called a lot of things in my day, but obsessed with my pets has not been one of them.  Which is surprising, right?  'Cause I kinda am.  I'm almost delusional enough to think they're my children, but since they don't look like me or Jordan and for the life of me I can't recall any sort of gestation period or delivery, I must assume they are not.

That was just a long way of saying this post is about my pets.  And the vacuum, that is.  Between you and I, I have a really hard time spelling that word, it seems like it should be vacume.  Are two u's really necessary?  Why not just slap three in there, vacuuum, makes no difference to me, it's still stupid.

Moving on. . .

I think it's funny that all animals are inherently afraid of the vacuum.  Brighton, for instance, will bark up and down next Tuesday (what does that even mean, Bre?) if someone walks by the window, but bring the vacuum out and he is not playing games.

I like to bring out the vacuum to specifically remind the pets that I control the evil beast, remind them who really has the power here.  Much like in Avatar, how that guy rode The Last Shadow, or whatever it was called.  You know what I mean.

I wonder if it helps my animals' notion that the vacuum is evil that I hum the Terminator theme song when I bring it out.

Because I was bored and had the time, I evaluated the methods my animals used to deal with the vacuum.

Brighton:

Brighton chose the higher ground, which is usually a smart move strategically speaking.  From up there he could keep an eye on the enemy, while still keeping his distance and laying on the comfortable armrest.  The armrest also gives him a little more height than the actual couch cushion.  Way to take the extra step to protect yourself, Boy.  Should Brighton decide to attack, he could leap from above with efficiency and accuracy.  I think he's put a lot of thought into his position.

Bella:

Bella also went for height, but in terms of security she took it to the max.  She chose the corner, a defensive stance that ensures that the vacuum could not come at her from behind.  Her position is not only secure, but as you can see, she's got her favorite monkey as a security blanket, or perhaps protection, and chose the soft Love Sac, blanket and pillow, so that she could ride out the vacuuming in extreme comfort.  Her monkey doubles as a lover should she get a hankering. I can't tell if she's squinting out of fear, pure loathing or just mid-blink.  You decide.

Kloe:

It's become obvious from past experiences that Kloe has no love for her legs, and is willing to sacrifice them willy nilly.  This really takes it to a whole new level.  However, I have to commend her on a few things, one being sheer pluck.  The couch sits mere inches off the ground, and the gall it took for her to think she could squeeze her mass of fur and saggy skin under there and to actually pull it off, well, it's impressive to say the least.  Second, I do have to give it to her that she is well protected from attacks coming from above.  But, I don't know if you know anything about vacuums, but they don't really come from above, and Kloe is now at eye level with the beast, and could potentially be blinded from it's one, albeit long, eye.  But again, pluck.  She chooses to ride out the vacuuming inches out of its reach.  Very brave.

Kea:

That tricky little ninja was nowhere to be found, which I think makes her the winner of this exercise.  However, for the sake of not leaving her out, here is a picture of Kea:

She's really good at taking naps.